Fifty days ago, I opened a new chapter on my self-healing journey. I never really aligned myself to the physical body's tangible healing. Yes, I have taken steps in the past to help myself, and yes, these steps did make improvements that were changing my views. However, I knew I needed to work on both the body and the emotions tied within the body. Over the last thirteen years, I have made many conscious changes for my wellbeing, but healing isn't something we can do within a short period. We are layers of intricate beliefs, worn-out repetitive words, and grander, yet; we are caught in the mental conditioning that often denies us time for important self-care. I witness this in many beautiful beings. I see them deny themselves valuable care for the sake of their jobs, their families, caught in the deception there is "never enough time."
I was lying to myself when I would say things like, "I can't, or I'll try," because the truth is, it was never that I couldn't. It was because I didn't want to try. Drink this message in for a moment because the deception of "I can't," or anything aligned to this mentality, blocks you from saying, I will, or I am. This pattern is a very subtle unconscious conditioning, and if you are unaware of this, then the ego has a hold over you and your choices. Once you see the pattern, the ego is no longer the powerplay; you can see your mental habits through awareness. The good news is that you can work within this noticing; this is a significant opportunity for your self-realization.
In dark moments the light emerges to guide your way, but the only way you can access this guiding light is through your willingness to trust that there is a light even if you cannot sense it fully. Your best antidote to these situations is mindfulness, the sense of awareness, the practice of being present in the moment. Many reasons why you can't change may flood your mind, saturating you with feelings of defeat before you even make this a practice for yourself. That isn't the healer; that is the force of condition, the free will that is breaking this into a daunting effort, rather than welcoming what is possible within your self-healing journey. There is a rollercoaster in this ride of transformation. The beckoning you from deep within your heart promises to lead you through the mind's maze.
The discovery of the mind's patterns (often hidden in plain sight) guides you to choose something different; in other words, you will change when you have decided enough is enough. To evolve, you need to recognize the need for transformation; and that is when you take action toward a new direction. Wherever you are in realizing your patterns or your mantras doesn't matter, life will bring you repeatedly the situations you need to re-evaluate what is necessary to help you become aware of them. Life says, "Hey, let's see if we can make this work; let's change something here." I realized that no matter how many times I binged on exercise and following restrictions, I would never be successful. I also realized that as long as I played the game of the ego/patterns of the mind, I was never going to finish what I started.
During the night of my realization on this current path, I came to terms with how poorly I felt. In an instant, the decision was easy, and the course was clear to bring feeling unwell to a conclusion. I recognized in myself the patterns of sabotage and understood that it be best also to figure out why I continued the habits of stop and give up when things started to turn around for me. I laid there and asked myself, Why do I sabotage myself? Why don't I care enough to keep myself focused and moving into a healthier state of presence? My, why came down to the one thing, lack of self-worth. It is not enough to freely be loving for others; I need to bring this within myself. It is the only way. I needed to forget about the mind's game and sense the next steps. I went within, and I connected to my body, and I thanked her for the many years, as I often have done, but this time I asked a question. The most important question I ever asked myself or my body. I asked, "Do you know that I love you?" The energy of this reply was the lightning bolt I needed to heal myself. It was a brick that caused the entire wall to come crumbling down. The sense I felt was a flat, "no."
I spent the rest of that night turning within, looking for more wisdom from the body. I realized it was essential to know what she needed, understand how I can truly help, and heal her long-term. During the stillness, I received a flood of sensory information. After hours of sharing, I drifted to sleep in the early morning light. I had a dream, and there was a room where I saw myself, and she spoke to me, as one friend to another. She said, "Karen Ann, it is that kind of healing that is needed now."
I woke, knowing it is time to do what is needed, no excuses, no drama, no self-pity, or fear. I knew what I needed to do, and I am doing it. I am still working on this path, faithfully managing my health journey, and I know that something is different for me; this time, I will remain working on my healing goal. My body, the vessel that has lovingly carried me all these years, was relying on my promise. I deserve to feel well, and I desire to be kinder to how I am feeling.
Learn to listen and pay attention to the signals, they are always happening around you, and within you; because nothing is a coincidence. Please don't take your wellbeing for granted; hold it with humility and gratitude. Work out your past, choose to evolve within the present moment. Focus on this moment, and make it worth a million moments with gratitude and healing light. May your healing remove the blocks, and may your realization workout your vast and incredible journey of a lifetime!